This Post is Forgiving

September 19, 2017 v4 p37

Christians are called to forgive those who anger or offend us.  This week’s readings at Mass were a clear reminder of why.

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I’ve been trying my hardest to remember that I must forgive my fellow man.  It’s been a something that I had trouble with in the past.  Before returning to my faith I would make sure that I would go out of my way to try to get back at those who would did things to cause me difficulties.  I felt that I should just do the same thing to them that they did to me.  What I was forgetting was that if I considered myself a Christian, I still had to live a Christian life, even if I wasn’t attending church.  Ultimately what that would cause ended up being worse than the original offense.

As I started to learn more about my faith I began to see how wrong I was in the past.  I began to forgive people that weren’t really involved in my personal life.  Driving is a perfect example of this.  I used to get road rage really quickly, and really bad.  Every one of us, including myself, is guilty of driving like an idiot.  I really believe this is the root of a lot of problems in our society.  Almost everyone starts their day by having to drive somewhere.  Whether it’s to work or to drop the kids off at school, we’re in our cars.  It is rare lately that I go somewhere and I don’t see someone else do something on the road that really makes me shake my head in disbelief.  It’s not just texting or other distractions, although those are a big cause of it.  Too many people just don’t care that everyone else on the road has somewhere to go as well.  If you’re in such a hurry that you must drive in such a manner that you cause others anger, then maybe you need to plan your time better to allow yourself more time.  This way you don’t have to drive so fast.  If you needed to drive that fast then your vehicle would have lights on top and sirens.

More times than I can count I have gotten places and have been so riled up by the way other people have treated me on the road that my attitude has really gone sour.  That sets the tone for the rest of the day.  Nobody tries to go out on the road and be a jerk to everyone, if you do then you’re just a jerk.  Unfortunately too many people have been treated like jerks, get to their destination, and then treat other people like jerks.  I’ve learned that nothing I can do, on the road or afterwards, is going to change whatever reason people feel it necessary to act so selfishly when they drive.

On a personal level I’ve become much more adept at knowing when I need to forgive people.  There are still occasions where I have a tough time forgiving people.  Through my learning I have discovered that I don’t always have to give people the forgiveness they deserve right away.  I am allowed to be upset about how people have treated me, and try to figure out if there is something I’ve done that could have caused it.  I’ve been known to stew on things for much longer than I should.  It’s those times that I must turn to my prayer life to find it in myself to forgive.  Only after that can I truly put the incident behind me and move on.  Sometimes I’m not always able to get away and into that prayer that I need, and it causes me to hold onto that anger longer than I should.  I’m finding ways to get to a place where I can pray quicker, because holding onto the anger is never good.

In Matthew 18:22 Jesus tells us that we must forgive our brothers “Not seven times, but seventy times seven times.”  That doesn’t mean literally 490 times.  It means that we must always forgive our brothers.  I had a former coworker who really showed this to me.  It was on a weekly basis, sometimes daily, that his actions warranted me have to forgive him.  He didn’t necessarily do something directly against me, but his actions and words continually would cause problems.  I would often come home and complain to my wife about it.  Unfortunately when I did that she felt that I was yelling at her, not directly at her, but I would get so riled up over things that I would be raising my voice in disbelief of his actions.  I would then forgive him and finally be able to move on.

It was during some of my studying about my faith that I came across this passage in scripture that I realized how I needed to change.  I would continue to forgive him but I couldn’t understand how long it would have to continue.  I would start to ask my wife why anyone would continue to act in these ways and not see how it was effecting everything around him.  Then I realized that he wasn’t going to change, but wondered if I needed to continue to forgive him.  I don’t remember what resource it was that I was reading on this passage in Matthew’s Gospel, but it finally clicked.  I was going to have to continue to give forgiveness as long as this situation was a part of my life.  There would be no end to it, and if I didn’t continue to forgive, then there would be no end to my frustration.  After I realized that I found it easier to deal with the poor attitude and actually found enough confidence in myself to try and find a way to point out to him what his actions did, without flat out calling him a jerk.  Eventually his poor attitude ended up being his downfall.

I’m still faced with the need to forgive my coworkers because of their attitudes.  For the most part everyone I work with is great and will go out of their way to do things right.  There a few who have a cynical outlook, and really don’t care if they offend others.  I don’t have to deal with them much on a professional level so I am faced with the need to forgive less than before.  This past week however it did come up, and it wasn’t about anything work related.  As I heard in last week’s Gospel reading, I went to him and he wouldn’t hear out what I wanted to say.  Others agreed that he wouldn’t change.  So as I learned in Matthew 18:17 if he still won’t listen, then I should “treat him as a pagan or a tax collector.”  I said my prayers, gave him the forgiveness I needed to and decided that there is no need for me to talk to him unless it had to do with something work related.  Doing anything else will only continue to cause me problems.

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Forgiving someone who sins against you is sometimes the hardest thing to do.  Maybe if everyone tried harder to forgive then there would be less need for it to begin with.


This Post is Addicting

August 2, 2017 v4 p30

There were a lot of things I was looking forward to when I returned to my faith.  Coming face-to-face with my worst faults wasn’t one of them.

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I began looking for more content about my faith a couple of years ago.  I came across a bunch of different speakers on YouTube.  Fr. Mike posts all of his podcasts there so I put his name into the search bar.  It returned a bunch results that weren’t his weekly podcasts.  It seem that he is a speaker in high demand around the country at Catholic Conferences.  I started listening to his talks at some of these conferences while I do my inventory control work, where I’m out in the warehouse away from the rest of my team.  It is something I look forward to every morning.  My wife and I started watching them together after the kids go to bed and they turn control of the TV back over to us.  There are a lot of the other speakers from those events who have their talks posted as well.  They are all great, and very insightful to me.  There are two besides Fr. Mike that I listen to regularly.

After a few months I started to notice something in common among most of the male speakers I listen to.  Almost all of them have admitted to having an addiction to pornography earlier in their lives.  That really hit home, because one of those faults I wasn’t looking forward to meeting was what I’ve now come to realize was my own addiction to porn.  This has been a significant thing for me to come to grips with.  I’ve listened to the speakers describe how the women are usually drunk when performing, forced into performing, and generally treated as a slave.  It help me put together that by watching porn I not only backed the people enslaving the performers, but I was more or less treating all women the same.  It really made me think about how I treated sex in my own marriage.  I’ve apologized to my wife for the way I approached out sex life.  It’s allowed me to take my faith to a whole new level.

There are some pretty astonishing facts about the porn industry that actually shocked me.  The porn industry in the United States makes more sales than all four professional sports leagues.  The average adolescent boy has seen a pornographic image by the age of 11.  I was way ahead of the curve on that one, thanks neighborhood high schoolers.  So it’s out there, everywhere.  It’s never been as easy to access it as it is right now.  There was a report done on the local news on how a teenager could access porn in less than 10 seconds on their mobile devices a few weeks ago.  It showed how simple it is to find it on search engines.  We do image searches to see what kind of parts we’re looking for at work.  The joke used to be how far you would have to scroll down on the results before you came across a result that was NSFW.

It’s starting to make its way into mainstream media as well.  As people become desensitized to what they see in private, it takes more for something to grab your eye in public.  That has caused marketing teams to gravitate towards more immodest advertising.  Clothing industries start making their clothes smaller.  Sports media groups start publishing magazine article with athletes posing nude.  It’s hard to go on the internet and see articles that show how little a celebrity wore to the beach.  Which famous person is in the latest sex scandal.  These images are the biggest struggle I have with my addiction right now.  I struggle to not click on the articles or scroll through the slideshow in the magazine article.  To help combat that I don’t do much surfing on the web.  I spend more time on the internet than most people because of my job, and that help’s too.  I honestly can’t remember the last time I watched what most people would consider pornography.  Unfortunately I have many images stuck in my head that I have to struggle against for the rest of my life.

I gain the strength to fight this addiction from my faith life.  The speakers I listen to.  My deepened love for my wife, our marriage, and our Covenant with God.  My daily prayer life is centered on asking for forgiveness.  I have been to confession for this, and it was at that point when I began to feel the His forgiveness.  It also lead me to more introspection about myself.  Through that I have been able to be more of the man my wife needs me to be so that I can fulfill my Covenant by making sure she makes it to heaven.  I have come to realize that is what I am here for.  Through all of our past I always felt that it was still meant to be.  We took a tough road to get here, but I hope my wife can see how I have changed and trusts that I will do everything I can for her.  I can never say I’m sorry enough for the pain I put our family through due to my addiction.

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They say addicts are never really fully cured.  I guess for now you can say that I’m “on the wagon.”

Won’t You Join Me?

July 27, 2017 v4 p29

One of the first things I knew when I returned to my faith was that I needed to be more involved than I was growing up.  I have been trying to figure out how to do that ever since.

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When I made the decision to return to my faith I wasn’t sure where it was going to lead me.  I’ve shared that whole story a couple of times I believe.  After a few months I began to get the feeling that I needed to serve more in my church.  I began to pray to God and let him know that I was ready to serve in whichever way he wanted me to.  It didn’t take too long for that way to be revealed to me as I was approached about joining the local Knights of Columbus Council at our Parrish.  I had figured I would end up joining them anyway before I started those prayers because I could see how they were active in both the church and the community, much as I am through Scouting and was through the Lions Club.  It was pretty much a no-brainer.  I joined and immediately felt welcomed to the Council and began volunteering whenever I could.  The older members have been more than appreciative for my support.

I was told a few months later that it didn’t take long for my name to start coming up for leadership positions.  That doesn’t surprise me.  In every job I’ve held I have showed up and done my job to the best of my ability.  That has always resulted in me being given more responsibilities, and ultimately promotions.  All of that coupled with all of the other leadership positions I’ve held in volunteer organizations explain to me why those conversations were happening.  I had hoped it would be a couple of years before I was approached about taking a leadership position, but I kind of knew that I could only delay the inevitable for so long.  I stepped up this year to take on the role of treasurer, which I’m sure is the first of many positions I will hold in this organization.

One of the directives of the Knights is evangelization.  I’m fairly certain that this is tied to the Pope’s call for a new evangelization of the church.  I began sharing some of the Catholic blogs that I have been following with my wife and some fellow Catholic friends.  They have all found them very helpful.  But those are the easy people for me to evangelize to.  They are already active in their faith, and while everyone needs to continue to grow their faith, there’s a different audience I would like to reach.

I know a lot of people that were involved with the Catholic Church growing up.  Most of them, like myself, strayed away throughout their late teen and adult years.  During that time is when the Catholic Church began to fall on hard times.  There were multiple sex scandals, the beliefs and teachings of the church were skewed in the public eye.  There really wasn’t much of a reason to stick around.  That’s not why I left my faith, but I am fairly certain those may be some of the reasons that some of them did leave.  These are the people I would like to reach.  These are the people I would like to share more of my journey with.  These are the people I would like to be a part of their journey.

One of the biggest factors in my faith formation as an adult was reading The Bible.  Not just a few of the books, or specific chapters.  I read then entire Catholic Bible, from cover to cover.  After I finished it I tried looking for a different way to continue my faith formation.  I tried simply reading the daily scripture readings, something I had picked up during my first reading.  It was nice, but I was feeling like I still needed more.  A few months ago I decided to read all of Letter’s from the Apostle Paul, in chronological order.  That’s been pretty insightful.  I’m almost through all of them and need to figure out what area I want to read next, I’m leading towards the Psalms.

Aside from reading my Bible on a daily basis there are a few Catholic speakers that I get a lot of good content from.  One of them is Fr. Mike Schmitz, a younger priest from Minnesota.  Most of the rest of the speakers that I’ve listened to have mentioned him in their talks.  He seems to be the unofficial face of the new evangelization.  He is very well spoken and is very engaging.  I have shared a few of his posts on social media and get a positive response from Catholics and Protestants alike.  Another one of the speakers I started following early on is Jeff Cavins.  He is a former Protestant Pastor who was raised Catholic, left the church in his late teen years, only to be called back to Catholicism by The Lord.  His journey is a really fascinating story.  Both of these speakers publish their podcasts through the Catholic media company, Ascension Press.

Along with their weekly blogs they produce faith formation materials.  They range from studies of The Bible, adult and teen faith formation, and historical studies of the Catholic Church.  During some of the podcasts I subscribe to from Ascension they run short ad spots for their study programs.  In each of them they mention that some of them are free if you get a group of four or more to participate.  I haven’t looked too far into that but this is where I feel my calling to evangelize is leading.  I’m looking for a deeper understanding of The Bible.  The program I’m particularly interested in going through is “The Bible Timeline.”  This study takes the participants through the entire Bible and dives deeply into each period of salvation history.  There are multiple ways to read The Bible, and chronologically is one I’d like to try.

This is where you come in.  If you’ve been interested in deepening your faith and understanding of The Bible, I believe that this may be one way for you to do it.  If you’re looking to get back to your faith, Catholic or Protestant, this may be one way for you to do it.  I’m not looking to try and convert anyone to Catholicism, but if it happens I will support you any way I can.  What I hope to get out of this is a deeper understanding of my own faith, to help other people gain a deeper understanding of their faith, and possibly strengthen some families or friendships.  Feel free to reach out to me if you’re interested in joining me this fall.  I don’t know what the study group would look like yet, but that’s something I will figure out along the way, much like I have the rest of my faith formation.

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So if you were Catholic, have always been Catholic, are interested in learning more about the Catholic Church, or are a Christian looking to strengthen your faith, please consider joining me.  What have you got to lose, except everything you could gain by participating?

What I Belive – Part 5

April 27 2017 v4 p17

The more I study my faith, the more I become aware that I am heading in the right path.  I’m learning that I really believe a lot differently than I used to.  Here’s a start to what I’m talking about.

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Just in case you haven’t been following along, I would like to start by reminding you that I am a Catholic Christian.  I was born and raised Catholic, and no, I wasn’t brainwashed by my parents or the church into those beliefs.  I did question our faith growing up, more about why we were Catholic and not some other sect of Christianity.  The answer my parents gave me didn’t cause me to want to change that in any way.  To sum it up, they explained how the Catholic Church was founded by Jesus, and that while the other Protestant sects believed in Christ, they didn’t always agree on things with the Catholic Church.  At that young age I knew that I wanted to follow Jesus in his original church.  Even during my early adult years when I was away from my faith, I always answered the questions about my faith with a firm reply that I was Catholic.  Even though I wasn’t practicing.

Some arguments may be made that not everyone has the same view point as Catholics, so their sect of Christianity is still right.  I certainly can see why someone may have that point of view.  Here’s where we start getting into the meat of this series.  One of the resources I have found to aid me in my faith formation is a priest from Minnesota, Fr. Mike Schmitz.  He is the director of Youth Ministry for the Diocese that Duluth MN is part of.  He is also the priest at the Newman Center on the University of Minnesota at Duluth Campus.  Where I found him is through Ascension Press, a Catholic Media group.  He hosts a weekly pod cast that has short five to ten minute videos that really hit home with me on a wide variety of topics.  And one fun fact about Fr. Mike is that he made it to the final cut of auditions to play the role of “Robin” in the movie “Batman Returns.”  He is one of my major sources for my faith formation over the last couple of years, so I will often reference what I have taken away from his speeches.

When it comes to the difference between Catholicism and Protestantism he uses the analogy of a large boat.  After Christ was resurrected and ascended into heaven there was one Christian Church.  So picture everyone on the same boat, and it sets sail.  Over time some people feel that there are parts of that boat that they don’t like, so they decide to build their own boat.  But, they’re out in the middle of the ocean.  Where are they going to get their materials?  Those must come from the original boat.  So over time, numerous different “boats” have been built out of the original one.  How do I know that Catholicism was the original boat?  If you trace the history of the Pope back to the very first one, it is St. Peter.  In Matthew 16:18 we are told “And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades will not prevail against it.”  I’m not sure how much more clear that can be.

Does that mean I feel your point of view is wrong?  No, what it means is that we have different points of view.  Is that ok?  Yes, if we all thought the same way there would be no variety in the world.  Everything would be beige.  And while Jim Harbaugh’s wardrobe would fit in well, but I don’t think too many other people would.  This is where the problem lies with political ideologies such as Communism and others similar to it, but that’s a whole other tangent I would like to stay away from.

The Parrish mission of the church I attend is stated as “We are called as a family to know, love, and serve God.”  Every time I leave the church, whether it’s after a meeting, or service, or I just stopped by to say a quick prayer, I am reminded of that as I leave.  There is a sign on the way out of the parking lot that reminds us that we are entering the mission field.  This church mission is directly in line with the directive of the Catholic Church.  The Vatican mandates that as Catholic Christians we must treat all human life with compassion, dignity, and respect.  This includes all human life.  Whether born or unborn.  Whether Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Muslim, Atheist, etc.  Whether you are a murder, drug user, alcoholic, or a member of the LGBT community.  That’s all human life.

I’m sure most of you have had an encounter with a Catholic person that doesn’t match up with that directive.  It really doesn’t surprise me if you have, and would actually be more surprising to me if you haven’t.  I have had that same type of experience with fellow Catholics and I didn’t really think they were in the right.  That isn’t the Catholic Church that I was raised to know.  In every form of religion though, there are extremists.  Examples would be ISIS, or the Westboro Baptist Church.  Groups that do things to the far extreme of what they feel is right.  By doing that, you are doing exactly the opposite of what Christ was trying to teach.

I can confidently say that I haven’t had an encounter of that type with another Catholic since returning to my faith in January of 2015.  In fact I will be the first to tell anyone who is willing to listen how much of that compassion, dignity, and respect I have seen from my fellow Catholics.  I try my best every day to treat everyone with compassion, dignity, and respect.  I say that I try my best because as much as I study the scripture and pray, I’m still a sinner.  I still have faults.  I still fail God every day.  One of the parts of my nightly prayers before bed is to look back to see where I have failed to treat people in those ways.  This is part of an Examen Prayer that was discussed this spring during our Parrish mission speech.  It causes you to look back on yourself on a daily basis, it’s very introspective.  The longer my wife and I have been doing this to end our day, the quicker I have become at identifying when I have that failure and I know that I need to ask for His forgiveness.

I’m not telling this story because I’m trying to convert anyone.  If you’ve read something here that has caused you to want to convert, great!  If you’ve read something here and want to ask me some questions, I’m willing to answer the best I can, or try to point you in a direction to find an answer (I’m still “young” in my faith formation).  If you’re willing to take some time on your own, I would encourage to you go on YouTube and check out Fr. Mike Schmitz.  He has a lot of 5-9 minutes podcasts, but if you search far enough you’ll find a lot of speeches he has given at various conferences around the country.  Those are the ones where I find the most value.  They usually range in time from 20 minutes to up to a couple of hours.

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There is a huge misconception about the Catholic Church in our country.  All that I ask is that you give me the same courtesy as a Catholic that I give everyone else regardless of who they are or what they believe.

What I Believe – Part 4

April 20, 2017 v4 p16

As I returned to my faith I knew I had to do more than just show up, I had to understand what all of it meant to me.  It didn’t take long to figure out which sect I belonged to, and what I needed to study.

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There were a few instances after my wife and I returned to our faith that really showed me that I was heading in the right direction.  There was the obvious one when we first went to Mass.  There were some other times when the Gospel readings and the Homily delivered by the priest felt almost as if he had written them specifically aimed to me.  There was the instant connection my wife and I had with the priest.  The more we got to know him on a personal level, the more we knew that this man wasn’t the same type of priest we had grown up around.  I could tell at an early time that I needed to serve the church more, but I didn’t know how.  Shortly after I began praying for guidance on how that I was supposed to serve it was revealed.

I was approached by one of the other gentlemen from our church at a breakfast one weekend between the early and late Sunday Mass.  He explained to me a little bit about the Knights of Columbus and joining them was something that had immediately came to mind when I returned to church.  However, I knew that before I could join I needed to make thing right between myself and the Lord.  It had been nearly 23 years since I had been to confession, something that is required of Catholics to do on a yearly basis.  My wife and I found the time to go and we began to make atonement for the sins of our early adulthood.  After that first confession I almost immediately knew that I had received His grace and mercy.  There is not greater feeling than when that happens.  I love my wife deeply, but the love I feel for and receive from God is like no other.  I can’t describe it, but I know when He shows it.

Shortly after joining the Knights I discovered that one of the things Catholics are called to do is evangelize.  Again, this not like what the corrupt mega-church pastors (not all mega-church pastors) do.  My first thought was to start attempting that through my blog.  There were two things that held me back.  First, I didn’t have a great knowledge of what I believed, I just knew that what I was doing felt right so I kept doing it.  Second, I was afraid that writing about that subject could cause problems.  I might lose some friends, I might get dragged in to some conversations with people and end up chasing rabbits down a hole (I’ve written about it before).  So I decided that if I was truly going to do that I needed to know what I was writing about.

During the Advent season, then again during Lent and the time following Lent our church provided some small books.  These were short, daily readings that tied into that day’s scripture and a little bit of guidance.  During the reading of those books the first season I began to follow more Catholic groups on social media.  This is where I really began to see what direction my faith formation needed to take.  Once I completed those short books, they were about 45 pages each, I began to read a book that our Parrish had provided to the entire congregation.  This was about another Catholic gentleman’s journey through his faith.  While his was much stronger through his entire life, I found many similarities in my own life, things were really starting to come together.  It was after I finished that when my faith formation really took a precedent over everything else in my life.

At the end of each daily reading the pages close with, “Spend some quiet time with the Lord!”  It was at that point when I first started to kneel and pray on a daily basis.  I had never done this type of thing before so I didn’t know if I was doing it right.  I started off praying for guidance and blessing for my family.  I would then finish with the opening pray sequence to The Rosary.  As time has gone on that has become a daily activity.  I still pray for those same things, as I have seen how my prayers have been effective.  There are things that I add for certain time frames, such as when the Knights of Columbus call for a Novena.  There are other things that I have added that will always be in my prayers.  I still finish with the same opening sequence of The Rosary.

About a week after I had finished that book and had started back to reading my professional development books I started to notice a change in my life.  My attitude had been different, my focus was off, it felt like something was missing, or had gone away.  I began to look inward and discovered that the only thing that had changed over that short time was that I wasn’t getting the daily reading that I had been.  What a huge difference it had been, in a really short time.  That’s when I knew that I needed to get back to reading the scripture more.  So in early June of 2016 I picked up my bible and started at Genesis 1:1.  When I read for professional development I read 10 pages every day, no matter what I’m reading, so I figured that would be a good place to start.  Well, I don’t know how many bibles you’ve ever looked at, but the print is pretty small in most of them, and 10 pages is probably closer to the equivalent of 15 pages in a normal book.  None-the-less, I made it my new morning ritual.

This put a damper on my professional development reading.  I didn’t want to rob myself of anymore sleep than I already was, so I put that to the side.  What I ended up doing was finding a few evenings here and there when I could get that professional development reading in.  It slowed down my pace, but I knew in the long run that it was what I needed to do.  There are some pretty tough spots in the Old Testament to read.  In the book of Joshua it speaks a lot of how the Holy Land was to be divided.  There are portions of it where it almost reads like a real-estate manual, describing by landmarks where certain tribes were to make their stake in the land.  I could feel myself getting a little discouraged.  At some point during this time frame I began following a social media page that would post the daily Gospel reading.  So after a tough reading of the Old Testament one day I decided to look up the Gospel reading again.  What Google gave me was another avenue for my faith formation.  The first page in my search was for the daily Mass readings as specified by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops.  Here was a new part of my daily reading.

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It took me about six months to finish the entire Bible, and it had changed me.  It had changed what I knew, and explained why I believe in the Catholic Church.  This has been a long route to get to it, but my next post is where I will begin to “unpack” some of that.

Leaders Leading Leaders

February 16, 2017 v4 p7
One are of my life that I’ve always been self-conscious about is my ability to be a leader, and sometimes I’ve wondered if I really am a leader. It’s been made apparent to me in the past few days that my doubts are all self-imposed.

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In every job I’ve ever held I have been the one who managers come to. That has always resulted in more responsibilities being given to my daily duties. In each of those cases I’ve succeeded at what’s been asked of me and then promoted into a position of leadership. For the most part it’s never been a position I’ve been specifically seeking out, until I started working with my current employer. When I stared in my current job I didn’t have any aspirations to be promoted. The more I worked in this position though, the more it became obvious that managers were beginning to come to me to get things done. Once again that resulted in changed to my daily tasks. Getting promoted into a leadership position in this company isn’t as easy as simply showing up and doing your job better than expected. There is a coaching aspect to leadership in this company. That was the weakest area of my leadership before I started here.

Fortunately for me my current manager happens to be one of the most successful coaches in our company. He was able to see my ability to lead, which is why he started coming to me for the extra work as soon as our professional relationship began. Over the course of the past four years we have had coaching sessions on multiple levels. They have ranged from weekly one on one meetings to groups from multiple departments getting together to discuss a common topic. Through the growth of our company he has become busier with developing his own career path, but has always made time to make sure that I am able to reach to him if I need to. He was able to head down that career path because he knew that I was capable of leading my department even though I didn’t have the official title. That’s the first area that showed me I was more of a leader than my self-confidence was allowing me to be.

Another area I’ve seen that I can lead in is at my church. A little over a year ago I joined the men’s group at my church. I joined in an effort to make more connections at my church and in my faith. I joined to help my faith grow. I joined to be able to serve God. I’ve been a member of community service groups all of my life, in both the Boy Scouts of American and Lions Club International. When I joined my church group it was not just so I could add the organization to my resume. When I started showing up to the membership meetings right away I think a few of the other members were a bit taken back. Then when I started showing up to the service projects I think they were surprised again. Over the course of the past year they have been less shocked when I show up, and I think they are actually shocked when my schedule doesn’t allow me to participate in projects. I’m only one person, I can’t do everything, as much as I’d like to. It didn’t take too long before my name started getting tossed around as a future member of the “board.” I was approached a couple of months ago and told specifically that it had happened. I’m not surprised, and it will happen eventually.

As I stated, my current manager has been working on a new career path for himself. We recently made an offer to his replacement, she starts in a few days. I had expressed an interest in the position, knowing that I wasn’t ready for it and that I wouldn’t be listed very highly on the candidate list. What I was looking for was a chance to go through the process with my company so I could gain the experience to know what I needed to continue to work on for when a leadership position that I am qualified for becomes available. Although that process didn’t go as I had envisioned it, I did gain a huge insight in to the vision of the future for my department from the director’s point of view. That gave me the confidence to know that the thoughts about everything I was seeing were correct. It also gave me the confidence to start coaching my fellow team members in the direction that the company wants the department to go.

I have entered into a mentoring relationship with a high level manager in my field who is with another company. This is really the best way I’m going to be able to grow my career now. I’ve come pretty close to reaching the end point of what the people within my company can help me grow with on a procedural level. It’s really a pretty exciting thought to be going through all of that. I look forward to seeing how this develops, because we really just started the relationship before the holidays. On top of that I continue to follow the leadership blogs I started following years ago. Recently I read a post from Michael Hyatt, former CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishing. This particular post was about a conversation he had with another leader who wanted to interview him. There were 20 questions he asked and Michael Hyatt listed them, saying this would be a good exercise for leaders to go through. Over the next few weeks I plan to answer these questions myself as well as find some other leaders to interview. If you’re interested in being one of my interviewees please reach out.

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I’ve always looked in the mirror and seen a leader. Now others are seeing it and I’m looking forward to starting to lead more.

Some Lessons I Learned Way Too Late

June 16, 2016 v3 p33

It was eight years ago today when I got the call that Dad had passed away.  There were many things that I learned from you, unfortunately I wasn’t always trying to learn what I needed to know.


A father’s main job is to help pass down his knowledge to the next generation.  Some people will pay attention and put to practice those lessons right away.  Some people will fight tooth and nail with their father against the lessons that are trying to be taught.  Others won’t realize what they were being taught until it is too late for them to go back and discuss the lesson further with the “teacher.”  That’s where I fall.  Here’s eight things I’ve learned that you taught me without being aware, wish I had a chance to be able to go back and discuss the lessons with you some more.

  1. How to be a father – While I was growing up you were always the authoritarian in our family. Mom would definitely have her say in things when Chip and I were acting out, but you were the one would ultimately dole out the punishment.  Because of this I kind of had a skewed version of our relationship until I was older and had moved out of the house.  This led me to make sure I would and do have a closer relationship with my own sons.  Your method was necessarily wrong, but it helped me see that I needed to be different.
  2. How to be a husband – I did see a lot of arguments between you and Mom. Growing up I always knew that married couples argued, but they were always healthy arguments.  I was never in fear of the two of you getting a divorce, no matter how heated those arguments became.  It showed me that if you truly love someone that all differences can be overcome.  I wish I had learned that lesson when I was 24.  You didn’t show a lot of affection in public, but when Mom was battling cancer I knew that it was there all along.
  3. Faith – Growing up you “forced” me to go to church. Boy was I ever wrong about that.  The growth I’ve had over the last 18 months can only be attributed to the faith in God you instilled in me growing up.  I look forward to nothing else in life than seeing how He will help me teach these same lessons to my own children.
  4. How to be a leader – I know we argued a lot about why I had to stay in Scouting. I knew you were strong believer in the program.  I have always told people that everything I knew about leadership and where I had gotten myself in life was due to the lessons I learned in Scouting.  What I didn’t realize was that using the Scouting program to teach me the principles of leadership was your method of passing on the same principles you believed in so strongly.
  5. How to finish something – One of the greatest things I learned from you is my work ethic. There were so many times I would be helping you around the house growing up that I wanted to do just enough to get the job done, but not complete.  You taught me to see everything through all the way to completion. There is no other way to do it, plain and simple.
  6. The importance of family – You always made it a point to make sure you were in contact with your relatives. It didn’t matter how far away or how long it had been since you’d seen them, you always knew when things were going on in their lives.  The bigger thing I learned about the importance of family from you was that it was important to treat Mom’s family as your own, which they were.  I remember vividly a time on one of our trips to North Carolina to visit Mom’s Aunt Jean how you treated her just as if she were your own mother.  I make sure I treat my wife’s family just the same way.
  7. How to build things – A lot of these lessons I learned while we worked on my house together. I really miss the time we spent together working on that house.  But the majority of this lesson was learned after I moved my family back home.  By having the knowledge to do a lot of projects myself instead of hiring it out I have been able to fix a lot of the things at the house on my own.  By having to tear down what you built, that obviously was never meant to be torn down, I’ve learned a better way to get that much stability out of my projects, but in a better way.
  8. Not to wait to teach the lesson – By learning these things after you were gone it’s made me realize how little time I have to pass these lessons on to my own children. I try every day to live up to you and your teachings.  I hope that my boys will be able to learn from just as I have.

Saying goodbye to you was a lot more difficult than I had imagined it would be when I was growing up.  There are countless other lessons I learned from you, but these were some of the biggest ones you taught me.  I miss you and your lessons every day.

I Love You Dad!